8/25/10 The Future

   Coming into junior year makes you think a lot about the future. I mean the thought is practically forced into your head. "What are you going to be?", "Where are you going to go to collage?", questions like that are asked all the time. For me though, thinking about the future is second nature. I am always planning ahead, not saying I don't like surprises ;], but I am always planning for something because for me thats how I know things will get done.
    When I was younger I knew exactly what I wanted to do when I grew up.... kind of. Well at first I wanted to be a race car driver and a veterinarian on the side. Then I realized that wont work so I wanted to be a veterinarian and a race car driver on the side. Later I dropped the whole race car driver thing and stuck with being a vet. In 8th grade I got to job shadow a veterinarian, after that I decided maybe a vet tech will be more fun. So that was my plan, to go to MATC and become a veterinarian technician. One day this year I woke up and realized that that's not what I wanted to do. It was like I was a cartoon that got bonked in the head and forgot who I was. This scared me. I was always that person who knew what wanted to be; and now for once in my life I had no idea. So for months I've been running around like a chicken with its head cut off; not a clue where I was going and what I was doing. For me, this was a very scary thing. Everything felt so spacey and weird. So I wrote down every occupation I thought about being. And here it is....
1. Dog Groomer
2. Dog Trainer
3. Vet Tech
4. Pet Nutritionists
5. Pet Therapy
6. Fashion Designer
7. Costumer Designer
8. Dog Walker ( in NYC of corse)
9. Club Owner
10. Phycology (there is something interesting about it; I don't know what it is)
11. Movie Production
12. Music......
13. Massage Therapist
14. Advertising
    Then I was talking with my aunt. Both my aunt and my dad said the same thing. They said they think I should stick with the vet tech thing. This messed me up at first. I mean I just got over the break up of me and that career idea, and now your saying I should get back together with it. I didn't like this at first. I was pretty content on being in advertising. They said thats a tuff business to get into. So I thought, and thought, and tossed and turned. Then I came up with the perfect plan. How about I go to MATC which is now MAC. But same thing... moving on... and go and become a vet tech ( like plan A) but then once I become a vet tech and get a job as one I will be able to afford to go to collage and get a communications degree in advertising. That way I can be both a vet tech until I get a good advertising job then I can be that and make the big bucks! Great right?... I was pretty proud of it.
   The thing is I have this plan. And I have a general idea how to get there. But why do I still have this empty feeling of being lost. Like I don't KNOW...... I feel like, like, well I feel confused. I don't really know what to do; and I don't know when this feeling will ever go away. A part of me thinks that even if I have a successful career, an apartment in New York City and a chocolate brown standard poodle that I take for runs with my bike around central park; that I will still have this feeling, late at night. A feeling of; something missing.