9/27/10 The Idea

    From the day we are born an idea is placed into our heads. A very simple, but possibly deadly idea. This idea is almost unavoidable from the day we are born and look into our parents eyes; the second they look back at you they silently place the idea into your head. This idea is again spoken to us when we are sleeping in your crib, when you make you first steps again the idea is given to you with a bow. When you start to speak you talk about this idea. When you begin to write, your teacher tells you to write about this idea. The idea is in almost in every movie you see and almost every book you read. Surprisingly this idea is still told to you when you are a freshman in high school.  Until one day you are woken up and find out that this idea has been a forever told lie.
    What is the idea? Well the idea comes in many forms. It comes as dreams coming true, disguised as prince charming, walking around as a future, questioned as "what do you want to be when you grow up?"Simplified as happiness. Now that you are about one year from being a "grown up" the idea hasn't happened. Nor is it even close to happening. Right now the idea is farther away than its ever been. You may try your hardest to be the best you can, but the idea seams to take two steps back for every step forward step you take. Is the idea a myth? Do I have a better chance on seeing the Lock Ness monster then achieving  the idea. Unless your idea is seeing the Lock Ness monster then you might be one lucky feller.
So what really is your idea?

9/23/10 Hurt

       I feel like I need to cry, but I don't want to. I am not sure if I have a full out reason too. Maybe I do. To me I do. But I have no one to cry to. I miss my best friends. Yeah I hang out with good people sometimes, but their not my true friends. Sense when do my best friends stop hanging out with me, I cant tell if they are all hanging out together without me on purpose or if they just assume I am busy, or if they don't even think about me enough to notice how long its been. I think about them all the time, I care about them, but I feel distant. Maybe I am over reacting. I mean punching your fist through a window doesn't take away the anger, it just masks it for a few hours and leaves you with tape stitches, a hurt hand, and a doctor wanting to talk about your anger management issues. Every time she brought up the subject I felt like I wanted to cry, actually I even did cry a little, but not nearly enough for what I needed. Right now I am lost. Its only the 3rd week in school and I feel my grades are already slipping. 11:11 make a wish. I feel angry, and sad inside, but I also feel ashamed that I feel that way. There are people out there going through much worse than I am, but for some reason I feel like all the unhappiness that I hid sense last January where I was officially happy, has come back into the last week. Who can I cry to? I can't cry to my friends because they don't want my shit, I mean that wont be a good " hi its been a while" beginning. Then they really wouldn't want to hang out with me. But an adult would just make some kind of condescending comment. I guess I write this blog hoping it will go away. But I probably shouldn't have even written this, and might even delete it, because anyone who reads this would be reading about my shit and too have to carry it around. But like any kind of shit, it has to go somewhere.

9/21/10 Scarredy Cat

    So its been awhile, I know. I have been so busy ever sense school started. There is always something going on after school. Its either work, or band, or something else. I have been so busy that I haven't even seen life go by. I try to grab as much time with my friends as I can, but surprisingly I haven't hung out with one of my good good friends yet, well sense summer. Which is sad, I know last friday three of them all hung out but I wasn't invited. Maybe they thought I was working. I did get to hang out with other people though.
   Like last weekend after work I went to Weary Rd after work with three school friends. Weary Rd is supposedly a haunted road near Stoughton. It is very creepy. But nothing really happened except a black cat kept running in front of the car and we saw a dead raccoon next to the deadly bridge ( the raccoon is supposedly a special thing idk). I still screamed alot and was very scarred. This went until 12am. I have been staying up that late alot lately when hanging out with people. The night seems to be more fun for us teenagers. Yah know?
   Also I met this German foreign exchanged student. His name is David, he is so nice. We started really talking for the first time after jazz band ( yes I did make it into jazz band) anyways we were talking on our way home, which was in the same direction. We stopped at a corner where we go our separate ways and ended up talking for two more hours. Then we practiced after school one day, a little later we went for a bike ride. After the bike ride we practiced our saxes outside while dinner was being made. He asked if I wanted to do an improv war; this is when you go back and forth of what ever improv comes to your head. The first few times I was quite and unsure, then out of know where this new sound came out of my sax, it was jazzy and loud, and gave me chills. I think after that moment playing the sax has changed for me. I don't know how to explain it but its just different. After dinner I got him his first slushy; he loved it. We walked all around town just talking and talking and talking. He even took some pictures of the two of us. He loves photography and taking hardcore photos. Two things that he did was make night look like day and make us able to appear in a photo twice. We probably walked around Stoughton 3 times that night, until he had to go at around midnight and so did I. Today I went with him to St.Vinnies to pick out a homecoming shirt for the annual homecoming dance. My friend Becca likes him and asked him to go. I think it is so sweet that their going together. Though this is his first school dance and the dancing is a little grimy I believe he will do ok.

One of the picture David and I took. As you see it looks like day
at 10 at night and we are in the picture twice. Kase! 

    This sunday David wanted to go to a Jazz Jam thing in Madison. I had no idea really what it was but he asked if I go with him. If it wasn't for him I would have probably been too chicken to go. My dad drove us there. I had no idea what to expect but what I did see what not what I expected. The place was located in the middle of a coffee shop. There was a piano, a drum set, a amped up base, and a amp for a base guitar or regular guitar. They were all jamming out, so David, my dad, and I got a coffee and sat down. After a bit a guy started talking and told the audience what was going on. Apparently we sign up for the piece that we were to jam out to ( our was called cjam blues) and when our name was called we play the head of the piece then improv in front of a coffee house full of people. I was so nerves and had no idea what I was doing. When I improved I played some wrong notes ( notes that were not in the blues scale) and ended too early. Then we went for another round with a extra song we knew, I got a little better but was sill iffy. The third song was a song that the only other high schooler that was there other than David and I, knew and we didn't know the head but we knew the scale so we just improved from that. David is great at playing the sax, he can really get a solo going, I hope his greatness rubs onto my playing in the future. The whole experience was so amazing and I can't wait to try again and get better at improv.
     I think just facing my fears is going to make me a stronger person. I was scared to go to Weary Rd but I did it. I screamed a few times but I lived and still had a fun time. I was even more scarred when I stood up and played in front a random people at a coffee house but I think that made me a better player. I was also scarred when I went on my first real big roller coaster when I was in NY this summer and I ended up loving that. Its like punching through and glass window, you come out with a few cuts but at least your anger is gone.
     Talk to you next time, whenever that may be.
                    ~Nat

9/8/10 Adventures of Paul the Banana

After being left at a party Paul the Banana finds himself a long ways from home. So he makes his way home on a long journey across town. This was his story....

This is Paul, he is a banana.  A happy banana at that.

 The night before, this Paul was left passed out at a party. He woke stranded and confused. So headed homeward by peal. 

 On his way home he come across a park. He found sliding down the slide entertaining, but not for too long....

...... okay one more time.....

 Finding himself enjoying a maze, "this is fun activity at a park" he thought, yet it reminds him of the journey that he has left in front of him.

One challenge he encounters is a very steep hill. He finds the only way down is to roll.

 Luckily there are posts to keep him under control.

  Over the bridge he goes, getting closer and closer to home.

  Paul stops for a breather at a pic-nic table..

 He notices some multicolored ducks....Wow! There are orange, black, white, and gray ducks!

 Saying goodbye to the river is hard, but he makes his way down town...

 Paul stops at a bench by Cheesers! Unfortunately it isn't open yet... no cheese for Paul.

But Fosdals is open! He enjoys a a chocolate custard filled doughnut. 

Yummm...

  Getting shade on this hot morning is nice. He finds a pleasant spot for fishing. Next time he should bring a pole.

  Paul cheers on a softball team at their last inning.. WHOOOHOO!! We WON!... now its time to go home...

 Home at last. Paul has had a long morning a will be looking forward to a cool shower.... Next time Paul will be more responsible and watch his partying.....

The End

9/6/10 Hello One Follower

     So your  probably thinking right now wait she has two followers, right? Wrong, I figured out that I can follow myself. Yes I follow my own blog. Pathetic I know but I thought maybe if it looks like I have more followers more people will want to follow my blog, because they will think I'm important. I'm not.  You never know I could be the presidents unknown white daughter or Lady Gaga's little sister (who's name is Natalie by the way). But anyways, I don't really know why I want people to read my blog so bad. I mean Im just a regular person, with no excitement in my life.
     Thats a lie, exciting things do happen all the time, wether their exciting to you or not is your own opinion. I guess I write this blog for the same reason people have Twitter or update their Facebook status ever ten minutes. We all wish someone out there cares, or would like to believe so. I mean do you really care that I broke up with my boyfriend, no, but if I put it into a little daily story and you read it, it will be exciting for two reasons. Reason one being that you get to learn all the dirty details of my life, kinda like a drama TV show. Reason two being that when I write these I kinda think that my readers are nodding their heads saying amen sista, or can relate on some level of what I am talking about.
     I believe that, though everyone is really different. We have our different looks, our different corks, and different opinions. Alot of us share some of the same thoughts on things, or at least people in our similar age group. Like if I say to you right now man I really hate mushrooms, the texture is like eating a slug, the smell is horrible, eww, I believe a majority of your out there are thinking the same thing about mushrooms. But in the other hand I have a few friends ( very few) that do like mushrooms and will be like, yumm! I love that. First I would probably call them a weirdo, but yet thats their opinion and that is the same thing that will happen with this useless blog. People will read something they will completely disagree on and hate me forever and others will love me more for the same opinion.

I think I look a little like my big sis....

      Now your probably thinking if she just admitted to herself that there is no point on writing this blog why is she still doing it. *11:11 Make A WISH*. Well my friend, other than writing this blog for my one follower and the occasional people that actually look this up when I tell them about it, I write this blog for myself. Not just to keep track of my amazingly exciting life, but to finally let loose of what is on my mind. I always go to bed with a speech of what I wish I could say but never have the opportunity to say it, so now I can do that. Writing in a journal doesn't work because I can never write as fast as what come in my head. With this, my fingers are able to move fast enough, making everything flow on to the screen. Anyways happy labor day. Tomorrow is school once again, after that it will never end. Thanks for reading those of you who do. Talk to you next time! - Nat ;)

9/5/2010 Nap

   So today was one of those days that I just couldn't get revved up. I woke up tired and felt tired all day. I couldn't even get myself to go on a bike ride! Can you believe that?! But then I did something magical. Something I've only done a few times in my life. Something I couldn't even get myself to do in pre-school.. I took a nap! It was amazing. Once I took that nap ( 3 hours later than I should have) I was wide awake and ready for action. When I woke up I got a text from a friend saying that the group is getting together. I like hang out with them all. Even though they have some extra drama that I don't know about, I still like to get together with them and laugh. Sometimes when I am around a new group of people I do one of two things. I, one, don't talk enough, or two, talk too much. What can I do I'm human?
    Today I was told by one of the friends that they used to think I was annoying. I mean, I guess I will like to think that sense the words 'used to' was put in front of it that it isn't as bad. I wasn't to broken up about it, I really don't give a shit what people think about me as much as I used to anymore. I guess I grew up a bit. But it does make you wonder how many people out there don't like you. It is worrisome, but as long as the people who like you out way the people who don't like you by over double, you should be in good shape. I just think to myself when I'm around people ( watch out cheesy phrase) "How would I like to be treated". For the most part I do this, unless the person pissed me off from the start, then it takes me awhile to give them that respect. Unless the time right after their nice, then I change my mind.

Lydia; if your reading this... ALIANS!!!!
*woop*

    Well thats all I have to say today, talk to you tomorrow. I guess if your reading this blog you must like me. Because if you didn't then you wouldn't care. TTFN ;)

9/4/10 Its Not Me, Its You

   So two things happened today. The first thing is that I found out my sound board on my computer is broken. Meaning I can't do anything that has to do with sound. This means no watching movies, which sucks for me sense I love watching movies. It should be fix by the end of the week though.
   The second thing that happened today is that I broke up with my boyfriend, August. The time had to come soon, I wasn't planning on finding my soul mate. Today just happened to be the day. But don't feel bad. I broke up with him, I guess the feeling was mutual though. In the end its a little sad.
   This is how it all went down. August and I started going out in the beginning of June, so it was one of my longer relationships, but still an uneventful one. We saw each other alot in the beginning but only for short periods of time. Then he left to Green Bay for two weeks and later I left to New York so we didn't see each other much. We texted sometimes but I will end up texting an entire paragraph and all he will text back is "Oh, lol, yeah" or  "yesh". This is ok, sometimes, but when what you texted had nothing to do with the reply; like you never asked a question then you get a replay saying "yesh" is a little annoying. So I stopped trying to text him. Also every time I asked him about his day or how he was doing he would always have some kind of negative reply. He was always saying how he thinks people don't like him, or how he hated Stoughton. I mean I know you miss your old town and all, but come on Stoughton's not that bad. But whatever. So he's a negative person, the only problem with that is I feed off of peoples energy majorly, so if their down, I have a hard time getting revved up. So there was that.
   Besides the things I didn't like about him, I wasn't perfect either. With the texting thing, after a while I mentioned something about it, which was probably a big mistake. Hey, its a huge pet peeve. Also in general, I'm a sucky girlfriend. Other than having no idea what I'm doing, I have issues with dating. I can not, I repeat, can not, be attached to my boyfriend if my friends are around. I feel uncomfortable if I am with a boyfriend and my friends are in a 100 ft radius of me. Friends first forever and always. I don't get how someone can choose to hang with one stupid boy vs a group of your best friends, I just don't get it. Also there is just to much emotional stuff, I find that guys are way more emotional then girls. They are always complaining and wanting you around all the time. I thought it was the other way around, that guys are the ones that want to be free from the girls. So confusing, they also do not get hidden cues at all, I mean they are mentally unable to put verbal and nonverbal cues together to get something. You literally  have to spell it out for them. This sucks for me sense I am a vague person, and have half a conversion in my head, and spew out leftover thoughts that are suppose to be understood. duh!
    I also find myself uncomfortable around guys. Their just kind of awkward. Like I never know what to talk about. Also you have so much pressure when your around guys, especially if your in a relationship. You have pressure to be so lady like and shit. I am not a very lady like girl. I mean I like to shop I like fashion, and drama TV shows, classic girl things, right? In general, though, I have some unlady like mannerism, like I am very independent, I hate it when people buy me stuff, I can do things by myself, for the most part. I do like it when a guy is polite, but that is so rare to find theses days. Guys don't open doors for you anymore, or help you carry something heavy. That classic politeness I feel has been lost. Instead guys judge you so much, you have to be hot, you have to do this, your boobs have to be this big, ext. They point out everything you say, and sometimes judge you right to your face. AHH! I hate them!  Sometimes I think it would be easer just to go out with girls. I mean we would probably get each other alot better, we would be able to talk about the same stuff and give each other all the attention and not attention that we need. It would be more like having a best friend then a relationship. Alot more easer don't you think? At least girls have fashion. Who's genius idea was it to make males and females as different as a person can possibly get?!?! I feel like I could be a single lady forever.

9/3/10 I am Speechless, so Happy I Could Die....

    So I'm sure all of you who are following my blog are at the edge of your seats wondering how the BIG Night went. No not a wedding night... The night that I saw Lady Gaga! September 2, 2010 is the night I will remember for the rest of my life. The hole evening went as perfectly as possible.
   I went with my dad and Rachael to the concert. We made good time on the way to Milwaukee stopping at Subway to grab a bite to eat. Then we made it through Milwaukee rush hour traffic safely; finding a parking spot for 3 dollars for 2 hours right outside the special pre-payed parking ramp next to the stadium. We took the risk of getting a parking ticket if the meter ran out.
    We had arrived about an hour early. Standing outside was quite interesting because you got to see everyones costumes. You saw guys with red high heel boots in drag, and girls with disco bras. At this moment I am thinking how much I love people. Next time, I am going all out and making a consume too. We enter the building and the first thing I do is get a t-shirt before the stand gets too mobbed. Then I hit the bathroom. Rachael and I separated our selfs from my dad because we had different seats. Mine cost twice as much and had a twice as better view, there was nothing in our way; perfect view.
    While we walked for a bit I got to see even more people. Everyone was just so beautiful. Being so excited we sat in our seats early. An hour later at 8 the room darkened and the pre-show, Semi Precious Weapons  played. The main guys had blond hair, eye liner, a trench coat, fishnet leggings, and silver sparkly high heals. He was beautiful and rocking it. Half way through his show he changed is outfit right on stage. He got down to what I hope was thin skin colored spandex, other wise I swear he was naked, and changed into leggings and a tight tee. After his show he talked a bit, threw out some swear words and was trying to get the audience not only excited but sexually excited for Gaga, ( Though we already were). Then he threw a few items off the stage and left.

This is about the view I had of the amazing living
dress. The Lady herself
and the Haus of Gaga designed it especially for her.  

   After a little while, enough time to get a bathroom break and talk for a while, a curved projector screen came down. The room got dark, laser lights beamed from the ceiling making it look like there was a green net, then started moving making it look like the screen was breathing. The first few notes of Dancing in the Dark started to play boomed through the stadium. The crowd roared and I screamed at the top of my lungs. The suspense was killing us. The music was playing but the screen was over her for the whole song. All you could see was her silhouette posing a few moves. After the song it lifted, her backup dancers/ actors were playing as her friends trying to fix their car broken down car, this is were their adventure begins.
    The whole night was like an adventure skit / concert. Everything flowed greatly. She had changed her outfit for every song. Most of which were spectacular. One was a dress that moved with the song automatically, it was like it was alive. While she wore this she was risen at least 40 ft in the air on a platform that had a blue under-glow. Another time she was playing a few piano pieces, saying that she will never... ever... lip sing. When she starts the song a huge flame comes up through the piano, then it starts to twirl about, it gets higher and higher and turns into a fire tornado. I was speechless while she sang Speechless. From hairy bikinis to tight leather, to a giant 30 ft Anglerfish/ Octopus that attached her, the show was one big mind fuck. It was a once in a life time show. One of the most spectacular things I would ever get to see in my life. Through out the show she lifts the spirits of her little monsters saying that we are all beautiful, and that we can be what ever we want to be, she is so sincere with every word. At one point she rips the head off of a stuffed Tinker Bell that got tossed on to the stage, she takes the stuffing out of the body and stuffs it into her bra; joking that its hard when you tour because you lose weight and your tits get smaller. She says she doesn't believe in plastic surgery, * except for a sex change* she corrects ( not talking about herself of corse). You can tell that she really cares about her fans more than anything. I even saw her shed a tear or two while she was preforming. You can also tell that everyone in the building loved her too, the whole feel of the concert had so much love, and happiness, everyone who was there was captivated and in love with her. I love her;  I love what she believes in finding out last night that it was the same things I believe in makes my love for her grow even more.

This was the exact head that was torn off Tinker Bell, she
posted this picture today from last nights concert.

I am proud to be Lady Gagas' biggest Little Monster. Next time she comes to town I am without a doubt going again!
p.s We never did get a ticket for our parking spot. The night was perfect.

9/1/2010 Striped Pajamas

      I am sorry to disappoint all my followers and fans but I fear that writing in this everyday through out the school year is going to be difficult. I haven't given up so far, but I am just pre-warning you. Especially tomorrow night I am going to be seeing Lady Gaga!!!! But this concert goes late, so it will be hard for me to report to you right away. I will do my best. Maybe I will find something I wrote in a class one year to for tomorrows blog.
    Moving on, today was the first day of school. If you ask how it was I would say okay, but really mean horrible. If I know you I probably would just go out and say it was bad. I got locked out of my locker twice. Meaning I was late to two of my classes and almost late to 3. I was really excited for my first hour class which is Art 3D. This ended up being a class full of Freshman and.... people who I don't know. If you were in my class you will know what I'm talking about. I am thinking of switching to Physic Ap, but it might be too full. We'll see I will try it out for one more day. Work after school was not treating me well, or I wasn't treating myself well so that made everything bad.
    After work I went home, pouted, and cried to my mom on how awful everything was. Went up to my room for a wile and calmed down. During dinner we turned on a movie I rented from Netfilx called The Boy in the Striped Pajamas. Basically the movie was about the Holocaust. I'm not going to give anymore info away for those of you who haven't seen it. But it was quite the eye opener. I mean we've learned about it in classes. Saw photos and history movies about it, but thought this was a movie it showed what was going on through the eyes of an adolescent. Basically in the end, I cried, again, for the third time today. It sure makes my bad day look like a hole lot of nothing.
    The Holocaust makes me so angry! I don't understand how people could think that way, and how it went on for so long without being stopped. It was horrid! This is just another example of why I hate people who hate people. ( Something I was talking about in another blog). I hope nothing like this happens again, but the fact is it was happening not to long ago with the African Genocide where millions of people were killed because of their looks and believes. Its so sad that there are humans out there that think that way and it sickens me. I hope none of my readers do.