12/4/11 Error

The existence of a being happens to be the existence of an energy. The human machine acts only as programed. With the warm core of inner strength working with the malfunctioning nuts and bolts holding together unforgiving pieces of equipment. The breakage of the condition makes being, as useful as the outdated VHS counsel resting in the forgotten box hidden in that closet. After rebooting, it takes an expensive amount of time to restore. Information may be lost in the process.

11/13/11 Virgin

   I lost my "virginity" at The Rocky Horror Picture show. Some how with in three minutes of standing in line for the show word got out that I, and the friend that I was joining were Rocky Horror  "virgins ". The word virgin was uttered and a scream from 20 feet away came plowing forward. She was dressed as one of the main characters with unimaginable energy for 12 o'clock at night and a stick of red lipstick cocked and loaded. A giant letter "V" was printed on to both sides of my face and my friends’ chest. It was official; we were outed virgins weather we wanted to or not. We seated ourselves to the front right of the stage; a great view for both us...and  the actors. My friend and I were two of the four lucky virgins that have a chance to play an appropriate game front and center on stage while the other 30 plus virgins got there asses slapped wile crawling through the actors legs. The game was that Dr. Frank-N-Furter was to say a word and then we were suppose to say a word that goes with it. Supposedly he was looking for a word that means the same thing not what "goes with it". The first word was "ass" so I said, "boss" he took it so I went along with that. When the second word was "boobs" and I said "cow"(thinking boobs produce milk and so do cows), loosing after round two I got the picture. Good thing I did lose being that the third word was "penis". Following that was the rest of the show. Being a virgin and all I was lost but curious for a majority of the time. I laughed at the witty well timed jokes said at almost every scene, and said "slut" for Janet and "asshole" for Brad. The show ended at 3ish in the A.M and I didn't sleep for the rest of the night. Instead I went from place to place doing unmentionables with friend and acquaintances. Rocky Horror was freakishly astounding and i can't wait to prepare for the next showing.

11/11/11 Make a Wish

I wish I was Holly in Breakfast at Tiffany's. There is something about her character that is alluring, she walks onto the scene in a beautiful classic little black dress and her hair perfectly arrange upon the top of her head. She is a person of her own, careless and free from the opinions of other people. Holly is just fabulous; graceful, fearless, and rude in an acceptable way. She holds her insecurities distant from the world, making her look strong and defined. Holly, oh do I wish you can grace me with your elegance, so I can glow the way you do when you walk into Tiffany's.

10/31/11 Ode to Best Friend

Dear Old Best Friend,
        It looks our time has come. With graduation near,
Our frequent visits dwindle as the end is coming here,
We had good moments that will last,
But soon they will become the past,
After our caps are thrown, and bags are packed,
Our lives will move forward and never turn back.
My love for you will always be there,
Because what we have is more than rare.
Lets never forget all the fun
Because next year there will be more to come.
       Love,
             Forever Best Friend

10/25/11 Will you sign mine?

Dear New Best Friend
             It was nice getting to know you these last few years. I know I probably liked you more than you liked me, but that’s a complement really. I truly enjoyed the anticipation behind our plans to hang out. It ever so made my week when you said that you would be up for hanging out… in two weeks. My heart would jump with excitement every-time I was able to have a short pleasant conversation with you in the halls. Could have fooled me when saying how much you enjoyed hanging out. Sincerely, I hope you have a wonderful rest of your life; hope Harvard is all that you wished to be. Maybe, years from now, when I see you about my mental health we could hang again... like you promised.
                 H.A.G.S! <3
                        ~ Snowflake

9/2/11 Senior

       Senior now. I guess that's what they call it. It feels no different than any of the other years. The only thing that feels different is an extra pile of stress laid upon you before the year has even started. And I don't even know where to start... All I have is a box of Whoppers and my forehead on my desk, so far it's not telling me any useful information. Maybe if I lay on the floor watching my fan spin and listen to Lady Gaga on repeat, will I find my mind which I seemed to have lost. For all I know it could be in a bag of potato chips, at least thats where I found the remote for the TV last year. Yes, that's were it was, lying there, covered in crumbs and sunflower oil, to think, that hiding remote almost made me miss a new episode of Glee. Then I would have lost more than just my mind, I would loose an entire lunch discussion of what happened between Rachel and Fin, with that, the ending would have been ruined and well I don't exactly know why it would be bad, but it just would,  just like if I ate this whole box of Whoppers. With that I should step away from the malted milk flavored balls and attend to my ceiling fan that needs gazing upon, with the hope that the constant spinning and the squeak of the light fixture will eventually tell me all the answers I need. Or at least enough to get me to blink, twitch and lift myself off the floor... I am a senior now; do you think I qualify for Life Alert?

7/2/11 Grand Finale

      9:30 pm; The sound of home lit fireworks punches the air through my turned down head phones. The only thing keeping me cool on this hot summer night is the breeze my bike provide as I glide down the dimly lit streets. Just about five hours ago I was standing in line at the O'Hare International Airport in Chicago holding a 60lb suit case and an Alto Saxophone along with my mother, father, and David. In just a few hours David with be flying over us on his way home to Tubingen, Germany. Yep, it was time for my new friend, who became new brother you heard about in September, to go home. As much as both of us protested, it just had to happen.  I held my composure for the final hug goodbye, then out of my own control broke down the second he rounded the corner. Dam, I'm going to miss that son of a bitch. We had our ups and downs through out the year, I would say the ups far out weighed the downs. We got along better than anyone could expect for two strangers to become friends then to suddenly have to live under the same roof. 

     David is the smartest, most thoughtful, (extra)  person I got to know. And maybe thats why we got along so well is that he figured out how to put up with my craziness. Not only was he a friend and brother but he was a teacher. And I'm not saying that he taught me math really well (he did that too) but he changed me. Changes take a while to occur of corse but he beat the path down for me to experience a new eventful fulfilling life. He taught me to think "why not". 

     I grew up in a family who has recently made it an unhealthy habit to not do things. Now I'm not saying I didn't experience good things when I was younger. Not at all. I did alot sure, but as I got older I would be the one doing them, alone. I would press my parents to let me get out and go to camp, go to do a sport, events, concerts, it goes on. Maybe it's because their getting older but I find that a bullshit excuse not to take the opportunities that are at hand and do something with them. When I first met David I too found myself making excuses not to get out. Then he asked me "why not". So when he mentioned to me going to Germany (before he was my brother) I laughed and said I wish. Then he said the magic words and so the planning began, it took over 3 months just to get my mom to even take me seriously, then after a few dinners over and when he became my brother we bought the tickets. This was the biggest out of many ways he changed my life. He taught me to get off my lazy ass and do something other than watch some lame reality TV show. Without him I wouldn't have experienced half the crazy high school shit that I'm not suppose to do. Without David I probably wouldn't have seen the capitol of the United States, or gone to the top of the Empire State Building, or played an improv solo on my saxophone in front of an audience, or read a full book in about a weeks time, or cook a meal, or bake home made brownies, or walk a city alone, or sneak out and just go somewhere in the middle of the night that made no sense of going but just for the sake to go. Dam... I'm going to miss him.

    In 11 days at 6:36 pm I will be flying away from O'Hare International Airport in Chicago heading to Tubingen, Germany to stay with David for 25 days. I will be looking out of the airplane window saying goodbye to my country and getting ready to see something that would be so different to what I walk down the street and see everyday. I will be living a busy new life just for a few weeks. And I will be seeing David for the last time (until next time) in a whirl wind of sights and activities.  A grand finally of new experiences. Because of David.  

 Thank You Bro: 

       

4/19/11 Help

People need help
    Everyone needs help
       Even I need help

What can I do to help?
I can be there for you; to cry on.
I can tell you all the advice you need,
but its what you do with it that matters.
When the words from my mouth run dry, is
there anyway to help you, walk to the beat
of the sun in the sky, or does a thick cloud
hide the way to a peaceful mind.
So what can I do but try, to light the way.
Show that evil isn't worth looking at.
But the beauty is what really keeps the earth on its tilt.
The beauty is what's worth  grabbing onto and saving.
The beauty of the countries, the religions, the nature.
The beauty of You.

3/2/11 Balance

Life is all about balance. Wether we like it or not every event put in front of us is put there to balance the last. When bad things happen great things emerge to make you forget about the bad. But when great things happen bad finds its way to off set it quickly. Some people are born with beauty but the bronze was forgotten. Some people born smart  but the social skill lacking. When a species gets over populated nature finds its way to kill some off. The more we evolve the more we learn to mess with the balance, we learn to trick it, find ways around its adjustments. This when we cure more diseases to fight our way to live another day. This is when there are richer than rich and poorer than poor. . When the few with the high finances control the many struggling to survive. This is when there are people who were born in a world of poor luck, and people who were born with it all. Or that just nature adjusting to us, nature learning to trick us. Picking us away one by one by giving some the worse until they dwindle... in away our balance of nature is like and equilibrium.. it is never balanced but never not balanced, just flowing in and out re-adjusting its self trying to keep up with supply and demand.

1/17/11 White Noise

      Its amazing how much the way you think changes as you get older. You don't realize it until you step out of your mind for a second and take in a small gasp of air. Then you look back and you remember the things you thought about when you were younger vs the things you think about now. I've always been one to be lost in thought. A whirlwind of idea's dance in my head, never ending words, lines repeating over and over. Most of all worry, especially around time of stress. So many things you have to think about and your brain is over powered with questions and answers, events trying to arrange themselves into a perfect time line that hopefully wouldn't be lost. I have my own mental battles of what I am thinking and my own self, telling me not to think that way, back and forth, debating telling myself what is right. I hope for the right one to win but sometimes I just have to allow myself to feel; angry, jealous, sad, confused.... it goes on. The brain is like a crowed room; just white noise filling up a small space... until you listen carefully and pinpoint on one thought... then you stop all together and realize the room is silent.

1/3/11 Ice Breakers

    The conditions are right; you test the ice, slowly inching forward onto it, gaining its trust with each step. The ice lets you on; the more you discover the ice the more you learn how to maneuver around on it. You learn the ways of the ice, what you can and cannot do, what will hurt you. Then you invite a companion to join you, they to are already at easy with the ice, trusting it. More join in. You are no longer one with the ice, but the ice gets weaker... more... more... you lose connection with the ice. CRACK, the ice loses trust in you and you lose trust in the ice. The ice breaks, and so do you. The only way to repair it is to wait for the right conditions.