The Lonely Traveler

The traveler goes, the traveler is always going. Anywhere is better than here, the here is known, the here is unchanged. The traveler arrives to the unknown. The new land inspiring, the streets simulating, the new people fascinating; the traveler is happy. Then there becomes here, and the here becomes there, the traveler goes. The traveler searches again, for questions, for answers. The traveler is a lost ship. The travelers only anchor is love.

The Realization

I remember the ambition I had when I first started college. I was learning so much new information about the world. I was excited about it all, and I wanted to be part of it. I wanted to be a mover. I wanted to be someone great, like that power women at the head of an office. Someone who made a difference in the world, someone with control... Political Science will do that do a young college student. I'll come home thinking I knew great things. All I could think about were ways to make our political system better, or starting up one of the many amazing business ideas I had. I wanted to work in Embassies or NGOs or International Relations of something... I don't know,  It all sounded great, I had so much hope. Then real life caught up to me. I realize this as I struggle over and over again to pass a language exam. I realize this as spell check underlines a few words in every sentence of this blog, or how when I read assigned texts I can understand as much of what's written in front of me as the young adult German book that took me one month to get through chapter one. I'm not going to be anything special, I realize. I don't even know what people do in actual jobs. Every internship requirement form I read seems over my head, it's like they expect a lifetime of experience before you're 20. I'm just going to be regular, I hope. I can only hope to just be regular, I realize this. I realize that I can only hope to make it to the level of regular because falling anywhere below is a sticky pit of danger, debt, and depression. Below I'll be trapped, in a town, making just enough. At least being regular I could hope to have at least 20 days of vacation, plus health insurance, how ever much that costs by the time I'm too old to be on my parents. I can only hope to be able to support a simple lifestyle, and if I'm lucky I'll be able to travel. I am bound for a life like every other American. Capitalism is built for survivors and the thriving of those worthy, those who are intelligent and most importantly, designed to be ruthless. Without ruthlessness you will be stepped on, no matter how smart you are; I am not ruthless.