9/23/10 Hurt

       I feel like I need to cry, but I don't want to. I am not sure if I have a full out reason too. Maybe I do. To me I do. But I have no one to cry to. I miss my best friends. Yeah I hang out with good people sometimes, but their not my true friends. Sense when do my best friends stop hanging out with me, I cant tell if they are all hanging out together without me on purpose or if they just assume I am busy, or if they don't even think about me enough to notice how long its been. I think about them all the time, I care about them, but I feel distant. Maybe I am over reacting. I mean punching your fist through a window doesn't take away the anger, it just masks it for a few hours and leaves you with tape stitches, a hurt hand, and a doctor wanting to talk about your anger management issues. Every time she brought up the subject I felt like I wanted to cry, actually I even did cry a little, but not nearly enough for what I needed. Right now I am lost. Its only the 3rd week in school and I feel my grades are already slipping. 11:11 make a wish. I feel angry, and sad inside, but I also feel ashamed that I feel that way. There are people out there going through much worse than I am, but for some reason I feel like all the unhappiness that I hid sense last January where I was officially happy, has come back into the last week. Who can I cry to? I can't cry to my friends because they don't want my shit, I mean that wont be a good " hi its been a while" beginning. Then they really wouldn't want to hang out with me. But an adult would just make some kind of condescending comment. I guess I write this blog hoping it will go away. But I probably shouldn't have even written this, and might even delete it, because anyone who reads this would be reading about my shit and too have to carry it around. But like any kind of shit, it has to go somewhere.