4/19/11 Help

People need help
    Everyone needs help
       Even I need help

What can I do to help?
I can be there for you; to cry on.
I can tell you all the advice you need,
but its what you do with it that matters.
When the words from my mouth run dry, is
there anyway to help you, walk to the beat
of the sun in the sky, or does a thick cloud
hide the way to a peaceful mind.
So what can I do but try, to light the way.
Show that evil isn't worth looking at.
But the beauty is what really keeps the earth on its tilt.
The beauty is what's worth  grabbing onto and saving.
The beauty of the countries, the religions, the nature.
The beauty of You.

3/2/11 Balance

Life is all about balance. Wether we like it or not every event put in front of us is put there to balance the last. When bad things happen great things emerge to make you forget about the bad. But when great things happen bad finds its way to off set it quickly. Some people are born with beauty but the bronze was forgotten. Some people born smart  but the social skill lacking. When a species gets over populated nature finds its way to kill some off. The more we evolve the more we learn to mess with the balance, we learn to trick it, find ways around its adjustments. This when we cure more diseases to fight our way to live another day. This is when there are richer than rich and poorer than poor. . When the few with the high finances control the many struggling to survive. This is when there are people who were born in a world of poor luck, and people who were born with it all. Or that just nature adjusting to us, nature learning to trick us. Picking us away one by one by giving some the worse until they dwindle... in away our balance of nature is like and equilibrium.. it is never balanced but never not balanced, just flowing in and out re-adjusting its self trying to keep up with supply and demand.

1/17/11 White Noise

      Its amazing how much the way you think changes as you get older. You don't realize it until you step out of your mind for a second and take in a small gasp of air. Then you look back and you remember the things you thought about when you were younger vs the things you think about now. I've always been one to be lost in thought. A whirlwind of idea's dance in my head, never ending words, lines repeating over and over. Most of all worry, especially around time of stress. So many things you have to think about and your brain is over powered with questions and answers, events trying to arrange themselves into a perfect time line that hopefully wouldn't be lost. I have my own mental battles of what I am thinking and my own self, telling me not to think that way, back and forth, debating telling myself what is right. I hope for the right one to win but sometimes I just have to allow myself to feel; angry, jealous, sad, confused.... it goes on. The brain is like a crowed room; just white noise filling up a small space... until you listen carefully and pinpoint on one thought... then you stop all together and realize the room is silent.

1/3/11 Ice Breakers

    The conditions are right; you test the ice, slowly inching forward onto it, gaining its trust with each step. The ice lets you on; the more you discover the ice the more you learn how to maneuver around on it. You learn the ways of the ice, what you can and cannot do, what will hurt you. Then you invite a companion to join you, they to are already at easy with the ice, trusting it. More join in. You are no longer one with the ice, but the ice gets weaker... more... more... you lose connection with the ice. CRACK, the ice loses trust in you and you lose trust in the ice. The ice breaks, and so do you. The only way to repair it is to wait for the right conditions.

12/2/10 Band Concert

      Tonight was our high school annual holiday band concert. The music we got for it wasn't to hard expect for Sleigh Bells, a fun yet difficult song. As you heard in resent blog postings I am now in Symphonic Band, the top dogs.... kinda.. I practice and average of 3-4 times a week outside of band class for about 40 minutes. I practice hard getting my parts down and my fingers to move faster.
     The concert starts, I was doing okay.. for the most part, with an exception of a few wrong notes. Then after the first obvious mistake I went down hill. Its like I froze and forgot everything I knew. We preformed our Jazz Band pieces after and I continued to make more mistakes. Until the last of the jazz songs. The hardest of them all, the one I spent the most working on. I ended up being a beat behind then playing a bunch of wrong notes!!! AH! (the guy next to me noticed). If it wasn't bad enough we had a grand finale with the Madison Brass Band, we were to play Most Wonderful Time of the Year. I was doing great, hit mostly everything. We all ended and somehow I managed to make a unintentional stinger.... how? I don't know, but it happened and EVERYONE heard! No joke. I heard people talking about it..... By this point I wanted to hide away for ever..
    Though I was down, and posted a Facebook status of my miss fortune. Luckily a very kind person (no name mentioned just in case) Gave me a few words to help me out of my rut. This is what was written;
"The incident is in the past now, so now it's time to smile widely to yourself, clear your head, and plan for the ever-so-amazing future that lies ahead" 

SMILE!

  This is an ever so cheesy statement that helped a lot. So part of clearing my head is to write about it then to do some deep breathing when listening to some meditation music and find the positive. The positive I can say out of that 'stinger' is that at least it was the right note. 

12/1/10 Dinner Party

    So I saw in a magazine a question. "Who would be at your dream dinner party?" They asked this question to a designer. His picks were good, so I thought I would give it a shot. So here is my dream dinner party guest list in no particular order.

1. Lady Gaga; I pick her because well first of all I love her voice and her songs, but mostly I love her as a person. I would want her to be at my dinner party so I could talk all about civil rights with her and just to know what she is like in person. I don't doubt she's wonderful.

2. Obama; I invite him so he can talk to my really politically savvy German friend who knows and has good political views. This way David (German friend) (who will also be there) could talk to him and give him a few pointers and an outside view of the U.S. And because he's the president. He should also bring his dog to clean up the leftovers when we are done eating.

3. Lena and Y(J)uila of t.A.T.U. Especially Lena because she is my favorite. Why? Well I like their music and I love them!

4. Cool girl in math class; She has fun and similar views on religion, and equality, and well she just seams like she would be fun at the dinner party.

5. Johnny Depp; Because he is my favorite actor and seems like a pretty cool guy.

6. Joan Jett and P!nk; They both know how to do two very important things very well. Rock and Party!

7. Ellen Degeneres; Super funny, love her, and will get everyone to dance.

8. If I could bring back dead people I would have; Alexander McQueen (a brilliant clothing designer),The Beatles (the members aren't all dead but the band is) and last but not least Lucile Ball ( or Lucy in I Love Lucy).

9. La Roux (aka Elly Jackson). I would invite her to do my hair. And because she is also super fly.

10. I would invite every close friend that has made me smile the most. That way when there is an awkward silence I would have them there to fill it in with laughter. The ones that positive thoughts have always out numbered the negatives. I think you know who you are.

     So this is my list. I am sure I will look over this and realized I missed many very important people and by the time I am done I would need one very large dining room. But this is it so far and I think it would make some heck of a party.

11/30/10 Funeral

      A few weeks ago I went to my first funeral. Before going I was not thrilled the only thing that got me to go was that my family from New York was going to be there; this is what came to my head; I thought that I was going to be sitting in church listening to a priest talk about how God will lift her spirit to heaven and guide her, then for the rest watch people cry, morn, extra.. yata yata yata.

     My first surprise on arriving  was arriving at a nature center to educate children about forest, and animals in it. There were hands on examples and down the hall class rooms and stuffed creatures. On continuing through I end up in a open room chop full of people I don't know *well this is going to be thrilling*. I wonder about looking at pictures, and getting bored of listing to people mingle. I go back out and check out the exhibits and shoot a few texts to a few friends, (hey what can I say). When I make my way back into the room the chairs are arranged into a half circle, with two rows. I make sure I am in the back, I want to avoid  as much emotional stuff as possible.

     The first relative rose, he must have been the son of the deceased and he started with a speech and instructions for anyone who pleases to rise and say a few memories or words about their loved one. *This was different.* So I listened to each one of their stories and reasons why the loved this lady. Just by her wishes on how the funeral was going to happen she seemed from the start like a really open minded, down to earth person (I don't remember meeting her). Thats exactly how people described her as. They talked about what she did for them and how she helped them in one way or another. By the end I was almost feeling sad. Apparently she was one of very few female educators of her time and has inspired many to do the same. After listening to stories after stories the service came to a close and of corse at any event here in America there was food. I had two vegetarian hummus wraps. People mingled more, and each close family member was to pick a bird out of her collection. She loved birds and nature hence the location. 

      When I thought everything was done I ended up being dragged to a house *ugh more sad*. My objective was to just sit, eat, and listen. Later I ended up getting to actually talk to people and we got to talk about collage, the future, and I even talked some politics. As much as I hate politics I was able to convince a Republican about repealing the DADT (don't ask don't tell) and gay marriage rights. The sad thing was I didn't completely warm up until it was time for us to leave. Oh well, all in all the whole thing wasn't that bad.

      The beauty of it all was how much people showed there love, and how the service was peaceful, no religion, and casual. Good words were spoken, people had fun, and there was good food. :P This is how funerals should be.

As was mentioned in a speech, she is now flying with the birds.

I hope when I die my funeral is alot like this one.