12/2/10 Band Concert

      Tonight was our high school annual holiday band concert. The music we got for it wasn't to hard expect for Sleigh Bells, a fun yet difficult song. As you heard in resent blog postings I am now in Symphonic Band, the top dogs.... kinda.. I practice and average of 3-4 times a week outside of band class for about 40 minutes. I practice hard getting my parts down and my fingers to move faster.
     The concert starts, I was doing okay.. for the most part, with an exception of a few wrong notes. Then after the first obvious mistake I went down hill. Its like I froze and forgot everything I knew. We preformed our Jazz Band pieces after and I continued to make more mistakes. Until the last of the jazz songs. The hardest of them all, the one I spent the most working on. I ended up being a beat behind then playing a bunch of wrong notes!!! AH! (the guy next to me noticed). If it wasn't bad enough we had a grand finale with the Madison Brass Band, we were to play Most Wonderful Time of the Year. I was doing great, hit mostly everything. We all ended and somehow I managed to make a unintentional stinger.... how? I don't know, but it happened and EVERYONE heard! No joke. I heard people talking about it..... By this point I wanted to hide away for ever..
    Though I was down, and posted a Facebook status of my miss fortune. Luckily a very kind person (no name mentioned just in case) Gave me a few words to help me out of my rut. This is what was written;
"The incident is in the past now, so now it's time to smile widely to yourself, clear your head, and plan for the ever-so-amazing future that lies ahead" 

SMILE!

  This is an ever so cheesy statement that helped a lot. So part of clearing my head is to write about it then to do some deep breathing when listening to some meditation music and find the positive. The positive I can say out of that 'stinger' is that at least it was the right note. 

12/1/10 Dinner Party

    So I saw in a magazine a question. "Who would be at your dream dinner party?" They asked this question to a designer. His picks were good, so I thought I would give it a shot. So here is my dream dinner party guest list in no particular order.

1. Lady Gaga; I pick her because well first of all I love her voice and her songs, but mostly I love her as a person. I would want her to be at my dinner party so I could talk all about civil rights with her and just to know what she is like in person. I don't doubt she's wonderful.

2. Obama; I invite him so he can talk to my really politically savvy German friend who knows and has good political views. This way David (German friend) (who will also be there) could talk to him and give him a few pointers and an outside view of the U.S. And because he's the president. He should also bring his dog to clean up the leftovers when we are done eating.

3. Lena and Y(J)uila of t.A.T.U. Especially Lena because she is my favorite. Why? Well I like their music and I love them!

4. Cool girl in math class; She has fun and similar views on religion, and equality, and well she just seams like she would be fun at the dinner party.

5. Johnny Depp; Because he is my favorite actor and seems like a pretty cool guy.

6. Joan Jett and P!nk; They both know how to do two very important things very well. Rock and Party!

7. Ellen Degeneres; Super funny, love her, and will get everyone to dance.

8. If I could bring back dead people I would have; Alexander McQueen (a brilliant clothing designer),The Beatles (the members aren't all dead but the band is) and last but not least Lucile Ball ( or Lucy in I Love Lucy).

9. La Roux (aka Elly Jackson). I would invite her to do my hair. And because she is also super fly.

10. I would invite every close friend that has made me smile the most. That way when there is an awkward silence I would have them there to fill it in with laughter. The ones that positive thoughts have always out numbered the negatives. I think you know who you are.

     So this is my list. I am sure I will look over this and realized I missed many very important people and by the time I am done I would need one very large dining room. But this is it so far and I think it would make some heck of a party.

11/30/10 Funeral

      A few weeks ago I went to my first funeral. Before going I was not thrilled the only thing that got me to go was that my family from New York was going to be there; this is what came to my head; I thought that I was going to be sitting in church listening to a priest talk about how God will lift her spirit to heaven and guide her, then for the rest watch people cry, morn, extra.. yata yata yata.

     My first surprise on arriving  was arriving at a nature center to educate children about forest, and animals in it. There were hands on examples and down the hall class rooms and stuffed creatures. On continuing through I end up in a open room chop full of people I don't know *well this is going to be thrilling*. I wonder about looking at pictures, and getting bored of listing to people mingle. I go back out and check out the exhibits and shoot a few texts to a few friends, (hey what can I say). When I make my way back into the room the chairs are arranged into a half circle, with two rows. I make sure I am in the back, I want to avoid  as much emotional stuff as possible.

     The first relative rose, he must have been the son of the deceased and he started with a speech and instructions for anyone who pleases to rise and say a few memories or words about their loved one. *This was different.* So I listened to each one of their stories and reasons why the loved this lady. Just by her wishes on how the funeral was going to happen she seemed from the start like a really open minded, down to earth person (I don't remember meeting her). Thats exactly how people described her as. They talked about what she did for them and how she helped them in one way or another. By the end I was almost feeling sad. Apparently she was one of very few female educators of her time and has inspired many to do the same. After listening to stories after stories the service came to a close and of corse at any event here in America there was food. I had two vegetarian hummus wraps. People mingled more, and each close family member was to pick a bird out of her collection. She loved birds and nature hence the location. 

      When I thought everything was done I ended up being dragged to a house *ugh more sad*. My objective was to just sit, eat, and listen. Later I ended up getting to actually talk to people and we got to talk about collage, the future, and I even talked some politics. As much as I hate politics I was able to convince a Republican about repealing the DADT (don't ask don't tell) and gay marriage rights. The sad thing was I didn't completely warm up until it was time for us to leave. Oh well, all in all the whole thing wasn't that bad.

      The beauty of it all was how much people showed there love, and how the service was peaceful, no religion, and casual. Good words were spoken, people had fun, and there was good food. :P This is how funerals should be.

As was mentioned in a speech, she is now flying with the birds.

I hope when I die my funeral is alot like this one.

10/28/10 Independence

    Us, as the human species, or at least us as American citizens, are lucky to say we have independence. Not just independence from Britain (that's old news), but independence to be whom we are. For some of us it may be harder than others to accept who you are, but I clap my hands for those of you who aren't afraid to show off your true self.
    To have an opinion and to have an opinion of your own is something worth treasuring. To be able to say, 'YEAH! I love listening to musicals, and watching women's ultimate fighting!' and say it loud and proud no matter what people think shows strength. To go your own direction, take your own path, to stand were you stand and to talk to different people, and to act how you naturally act; this is a gift in its own. People are so caught up in trying to fit in that they forget who they are. You should be able to love what makes you, you, and embrace it. If your friends are your true friends they will accept it, not deny the person you were born to be.

The golden ratio 1:1.618.. not so pretty, right?

     I, myself am not perfect. I know so more than many. I can be warm, happy, loving, and give good advice. Though, I also can be cold, honest, and outspoken, thus making me an evil soled cucumber. The things that make me different is that I am myself, sometimes I try to hold back commenting on the flaws of others behaviors, but sometimes I slip. When I slip I don't beat myself up over it, I just think, well it's true and it will all be forgotten, I hope. I do need to understand that these flaws appear in everyone, even me. Perfection is not why we love someone, we love someone for the little flaws that make them who they are.

10/21/10 Forward

     The human race races forward. Forward and never back. We wish to go back, to change, to re-experience, re-analyze, redo. Forward we go. Faster than we know it, the days are long but the life is short. We are all heading in the same direction, no matter what path we take we are all heading to the same destination. The unavoidable end. The end is different for everyone but the result is the same. Sometimes it comes painfully early, or dreadfully late. The end doesn't scare me, its when and how that does. No time is the right time but the time that is meant for us.
    Forward is our states' motto. If we are going forward why is our nation stuck it the past. People's minds are stuck in the days of sexism, racism, and homophobic thoughts. Wake up and move with the times. 2010 is the future, 2010 is forward, the time of flying cars and holograms, or at least 3D TVs. We are in the time that people always looked ahead to, the Jettisons were a generations glimpse into our time. We are still stuck. We, of 2010 are a disappointment, a disgrace to the future. The future that everyone of us pictures is going to be like when we are 90 years old. Instead we rely on the next generation, though the next generation isn't moving forward, getting smarter, its moving backward with the help of what we created.
     Forward is like an unstoppable train. We run to catch up, to make it slow down just for a moment. Enough time to catch our breath. No, we are being dragged along with the unstoppable force of time. Hours of it gets forgotten, lost forever; then a moment, just a moment may last as long as you do, a moment that can run with you and let you free. A moment that is never lost but always rediscovered, retrieved, going back.

Looking up at Madison State Capitol dome. Larger than the White House.

10/19/10 I am...

I am everything
I am smart, I am slow
I am active, I am not an athlete
I am good, I am not gifted
I am happy, I am sad
I am past, I am future
I am loved, I am hated
I am right, I am wrong
I am heathy, I am sick
I am brave, I am afraid
I am straight, I am gay
I am neat,  I am sloppy
I am strong, I am weak
I am lost, I am found
I am grateful, I am jealous
I am tired, I am alert
I am remembered, I am forgotten
I am nothing

9/27/10 The Idea

    From the day we are born an idea is placed into our heads. A very simple, but possibly deadly idea. This idea is almost unavoidable from the day we are born and look into our parents eyes; the second they look back at you they silently place the idea into your head. This idea is again spoken to us when we are sleeping in your crib, when you make you first steps again the idea is given to you with a bow. When you start to speak you talk about this idea. When you begin to write, your teacher tells you to write about this idea. The idea is in almost in every movie you see and almost every book you read. Surprisingly this idea is still told to you when you are a freshman in high school.  Until one day you are woken up and find out that this idea has been a forever told lie.
    What is the idea? Well the idea comes in many forms. It comes as dreams coming true, disguised as prince charming, walking around as a future, questioned as "what do you want to be when you grow up?"Simplified as happiness. Now that you are about one year from being a "grown up" the idea hasn't happened. Nor is it even close to happening. Right now the idea is farther away than its ever been. You may try your hardest to be the best you can, but the idea seams to take two steps back for every step forward step you take. Is the idea a myth? Do I have a better chance on seeing the Lock Ness monster then achieving  the idea. Unless your idea is seeing the Lock Ness monster then you might be one lucky feller.
So what really is your idea?