The Lonely Traveler

The traveler goes, the traveler is always going. Anywhere is better than here, the here is known, the here is unchanged. The traveler arrives to the unknown. The new land inspiring, the streets simulating, the new people fascinating; the traveler is happy. Then there becomes here, and the here becomes there, the traveler goes. The traveler searches again, for questions, for answers. The traveler is a lost ship. The travelers only anchor is love.

The Realization

I remember the ambition I had when I first started college. I was learning so much new information about the world. I was excited about it all, and I wanted to be part of it. I wanted to be a mover. I wanted to be someone great, like that power women at the head of an office. Someone who made a difference in the world, someone with control... Political Science will do that do a young college student. I'll come home thinking I knew great things. All I could think about were ways to make our political system better, or starting up one of the many amazing business ideas I had. I wanted to work in Embassies or NGOs or International Relations of something... I don't know,  It all sounded great, I had so much hope. Then real life caught up to me. I realize this as I struggle over and over again to pass a language exam. I realize this as spell check underlines a few words in every sentence of this blog, or how when I read assigned texts I can understand as much of what's written in front of me as the young adult German book that took me one month to get through chapter one. I'm not going to be anything special, I realize. I don't even know what people do in actual jobs. Every internship requirement form I read seems over my head, it's like they expect a lifetime of experience before you're 20. I'm just going to be regular, I hope. I can only hope to just be regular, I realize this. I realize that I can only hope to make it to the level of regular because falling anywhere below is a sticky pit of danger, debt, and depression. Below I'll be trapped, in a town, making just enough. At least being regular I could hope to have at least 20 days of vacation, plus health insurance, how ever much that costs by the time I'm too old to be on my parents. I can only hope to be able to support a simple lifestyle, and if I'm lucky I'll be able to travel. I am bound for a life like every other American. Capitalism is built for survivors and the thriving of those worthy, those who are intelligent and most importantly, designed to be ruthless. Without ruthlessness you will be stepped on, no matter how smart you are; I am not ruthless.

1/10/2015 New Blog Polish Style

Okay, so I haven't kept up on the blog like I said I would. Let me tell you it's probably a good thing- meaning that I was way too busy to write. Over the last few months I've been through numerous experiences and changes, too many to catch up on. In the mean time I have just started my Poland semester and am currently in Krakow. For this semester I MUST keep a blog. So if you readers out there are at all interested in my encounters and thoughts for the next three months you can check out this new blog here -> http://polandabroadsemester.blogspot.com/
Enjoy!

08/03/14: Syria- The Perpective of Two Citizens.

Coming to Marburg is more than just learning German, it's meeting new people and learning about the world though their perspectives. As many (or all) of you should know there is a very large crisis in Syria- a "revolution". One of my good friends here is from Syria, and though she is learning here in Marburg, her life still lays in the middle of chaos. I just recently I spent about 3 plus hours listening to her and her friend talk about the situation there. All I could do was listen, because somethings are to valuable to respond to.

In the beginning of the conversation they talked about how good Syria was- before the protests began. They described Syria as "a land of contradictions".. saying you would look one way and see the sea, and green, another way the mountains, and another, the desert. They said you'd see walking on the street women dressed fully covered, to where you could only see the oval of her face, and then right next to her, a woman walking in a T-Shirt and Jeans. Syria was, in fact, a very diverse country.

Then the conversation took a turn when my friend found out that her cousin was just killed. Unfortunately, it didn't come to much as a surprise for them-- it is common now to lose some one you love in the fighting. They went on to talk about how their life had been turned upside down in the last three years... and that was heartbreaking. While living in Syria during the revolution, they've learned to treat each other and themselves as if each day were to be their last. It doesn't matter who you are there- you are a target. They continued to tell stories about the people they knew who were beaten, abducted, or killed. The two girls then brought up how strange it is the way humans can adapt to stressful situations. They said that all the people of Syria can really do is to continue on and try to go about their daily lives-- even though bombs are going off, guns are being fired, and they must stop at checkpoints just to cross town (and shouldn't dare to forget). Now, what thoughts haunt them, is how easily their life or the life of a loved one can come to an end. Anyone is now victim to the unfair chemical warfare, and combat crossfire. Just walking down the street, and that could be it... Their perspective on the situation in Syria is grim, and it is hard for them to see their country ever becoming "normal" again... and I don't blame them. The worst part is, is not the loss of old buildings and monuments (though that too saddens them), but mainly the loss of the culture they built and lived.

One of the most mind opening things they said is, "that (in this war) there is no "good" and "bad" team anymore, it is just bad. It doesn't matter if they are the Regime or the Rebels--Some of these people aren't even Syrian, or even fighting for the original cause.--People are killing innocent people for no reason. We just ask: Why?-- But these people who are killing now, they see heaven and mermaids at the end of a gun...how do you stop people who are happy to die..?"

01/02/2014 This is going to be a Year.

Well... I should be asleep right now, but I just don't want to. At 7:15pm tomorrow I will be, once again, boarding a plane, and again I will eventually land in the confusing Frankfurt Airport in Germany. This time, I wont be re-boarding the plane for about 12 months- 9 of them in Germany and 3 of them in Poland. This is all happening because of one of my crazy ideas I had...I come up with lots of ideas, mainly because they are fun to think about and usually don't end up materializing. This time, one of my crazy ideas escaped and became a reality. It still hasn't fully hit me, that right now, laying in my own bed tonight, is going to be the last time I will be in the comfort of my home and of my country for a solid year. This is scary, and exciting. I can only imagine what it was like for the immigrants who got on a boat for months to come to the United States. What I am doing is not even close to that, which is a little comforting. Though it is similar because I will be walking new lands, and this time more independent than ever. For this year of 2014, I can't turn back and go home, the only way to go is forward. Who knows what lays ahead.  

One year packed into two bags.

12/01/2013 Time is...People

People...time... people fill my time. I always wondered where my time went in a day. People would say they watch a show or do Reddit on the computer, but I never knew how they had the time for that. I am some how always busy.... its the people around who keep me so. I wake up and find my daily thrill immersing myself in the lives of people. Getting to know them; learning how they think, and what makes tick. People are what fuels me to be excited about life. Yes, there are days were I need to unwind, and recharge. Though, just like people, time is precious and must be spent wisely.

08/31/2013 Knocked Down

  Sometimes you need life to really knock you to the ground in order learn. 2013 has been a rocky year from the start and so far it is coming to a close with a bang. I managed to ruin the first good relationship that I had. Partly because of the many un-delt issues that sir around in my carefully controlled head. Now, I have to learn from the mistakes that I have made, and it's not easy. For a year of my life I will be studying in Europe in 2014. There are many reasons why I planned this trip, partially for the educational benefits of understanding the world and the other part looking for answers to understand myself. Though, I am slowing learning that no matter where I am in this world only I have the answers that I'm looking for. It takes the moments when I feel crushed into pieces and have lost every grip that I had; these are the moments when I will truly find my answers. It takes the pain of being turned inside out to open up pandoras box of true thoughts and feelings. I tend to get stuck between logic and emotion, but I learned that emotion can't be rationalized, it can only be dealt with. So, before I get up on my own two feet, I must deal with the dirt that has been dug into my knees.